Mistake at the Rendezvous
by Pat Squared
Summary: Using the pen name Ayama Suzuki, Sakura Haruno wrote 18 sweet romance books. Now, she had to write something a little steamier. Sasuke, a business man, called in a professional get his ashes haul. They met at a little drunken rendezvous.
1. Are they having sex yet?

**Mistake at the Rendezvous**

**By Pat Squared**

**Legal Disclaimer**

This is a not-for-profit fan fiction based loosely on _Naruto_. I do not own the rights to Naruto, or any characters, save for any original characters created for this work. This disclaimer pertains to this chapter and all succeeding chapters in this tale.

**Chapter One: "Are they having sex, yet?"**

"Are they having sex, yet?"

Sakura Haruno rubbed her temples in frustration as the call came in. Her finger jumped to the button that transferred the call from speakerphone to her telephone handset. If anyone overheard a telephone call about sex coming to _her_ phone…Kami, Buddha, and Jesus H. Christ the hags that work the volunteer section of the hospital would be all over it like the estrogen-deprived dried out prunes over some young horny stud with a kink for grannies that they all are.

"Forehead, you know that you have a sex scene in chapter eight, eleven, and fifteen?"

"Not even a hello, how are you doing today?"

"Please tell me that you at least got a first draft…don't tell me."

"I am getting on it."

"Getting on it. You haven't got on anything…Crap, Sakura, you got three weeks to deliver the final manuscript. Please tell me that you are finished and just letting it ages of you are going to get me hooked on cancer sticks like Shikamaru. Please tell me something good so I can have something to look forward to other than unemployment and my golden years as an emphysematic bum pushing a shopping cart."

Sakura sputtered, "At least you won't have some kid asking you if you want to buy the extended warranty. Look, Ino, I got a procedure in twenty minutes and got to babysit some rookies so they don't kill the patient. Can we talk about it later, say over some ice cream?"

"Sakura, you know what is at stake here. It is not just this book. Your three-book deal will go bye-bye. In addition, they will blacklist you and take back that advance. Kiss early retirement goodbye. Kiss your reputation goodbye.

"Hell, they will leak your name. You think you got gossip issues now with those old ladies at the hospital. The whole world will know that you are Suzuki Amaya. You will have more paparazzi on you than fan girls spying on the Uchia male baths. Wore yet - think about my reputation…fuck that…my commission. I just put a down payment on that wedding kimono. You know my parents can't afford a wedding with dad's medical bills piling up. I need to keep this job. If you don't come through…Sai and I will never get married and our love child will be a bastard. Everyone will point at me and tell their kids not to play with Ino-slut's kids. You wanted to be my maid of honor. Please do this for me…do it for your best pal since pre-K, please…pretty please with sugar on top."

Ino had not sounded this desperate since…"

"Ino, I'm tying. But…"

"Sakura, you finished the hard part. All you have to do is just write three eight-page love scenes and it's done. All you have to do is describe a little nooky. Even Naruto could do that!"

Sakura wanted to rip out her hair by the roots, go bald, and join a monastery.

"A LITTLE NOOKY. I spent months writing and rewriting it but everything I write is…The good stuff sounds like Ikea-sex – insert tab a into slot b. He thrust his manhood into her womanhood repeatedly. She grunted as he grunted in counterpart to his deep grunting. And don't even get me running on the flowerly stuff."

"Something is better than nothing Sakura," Ino replied.

"She took off her blouse. It's on the floor. Her breast heaved like placards for the well endowed. In spite of his need to stay hidden and let his eyes devour her form, a soft whistle of air escapes his lips. She was taking off her trousers now. They are a heap on the polished, wooden floor. Her panties were white, translucent, but yet, opaque. He could see the dark hairs of her womanhood sticking to them inside. There was a design and yet there was only the design that nature intended for the woman undressing unknowing before him. He had to have her, take her, consume her in frenzied love, lust, death, and rebirth. The virgin will have to die to give birth to the women she was meant to be. With every orgasm, she will know that he was her god."

Sukura resisted the urge to throw her phone through the wall.

"Ino, IT'S ALL CRAP. I cannot write a decent love scene. Why couldn't you keep in the sweet love romances? I wrote eighteen great books that made us a hell of a lot of money."

"Sakura, you did great, but those books…I have a hundred sweet romance manuscripts sitting on my desk. A dozen of them are good enough to get published. Now repeat that with just about every literary agency. The sweet romance market is oversaturated. I barely managed have your last three manuscripts optioned for the movie rights because of the Ayama Suzuki's name, but no one is going to accept any more manuscripts, even yours, until the industry works out the glut."

Sakura intellectually knew all this. Nevertheless, she wanted to run away from this hell.

"I can give back the money…Take a break until…"

"You cannot take a three-year break. Your fans are growing up, Sakura. Three years ago, they were the pimpled-face virgins getting out of the academy. In three years, they are going to be chunin or even jonin with a couple seduction missions under their belt and maybe a kid or two to herd to the academy. Do you think Anko and Tsunade reads _The First Kiss_ or _Summer Camp Love_? Even Hinata is getting on the _Icha Icha_ bandwagon and not only because Naruto is the new author. Without your book…Sakura, do you want women to depend on Naruto to vicariously experience true love?

"Naruto is a loyal pal, but knowing what we ladies really want…It took Hinata six years to make him understand that she wanted his babies. He is so…ughh, brain dead when it comes to women's needs and wants. Older women want to remember the romance and the great sex before they had their two and a half brats. It is our job to give it to them."

Sakura could easily imagine Ino standing proudly in her office like a general inspiring her minions. Only Ino could make writing soft-core porn seem like a civic duty.

"I could fax you what I have…"

"Sakura-darling…This is not going to cut it. When was the last time you had mind-numbing, toe-curling, wanna scream hallelujah sex with a man?"

"I…"

"Give me a number, Sakura. Tell me that your banging some stud. Even Lee."

"I couldn't Ino. I wanted to. He was nice, loving, but I couldn't…It wasn't HIM. I am still a…"

"Crap, Sakura. He did a number on you. You never."

"Ino, I'm a fake. I write about romances because I'm a failure. Do you know what it is like to hear the nurses gossiping about some hot, young stud they banged last night? You have Sai. All I have is a vibrator and I could not even summon the courage to break my cherry. You come from a ninja family. Sex, killing, drinking is all cool.

"I came from…If it was not for the fact that some bastard Kumo-nin raping my mother, she was a nun at least until she knew she was pregnant with me…You ever had the sex talk with your mom and a nun at the same time. It was clinical with hellfire and brimstone. My mum was a nun. All my aunties are nuns. I was taught to fall in love, get married, and then have sex for only for procreation. Think of your duty to Konohagakure when he mounts you – Do it for the sake of the kids.

"Why do you think I am about to get you married in any chapel in three countries without having to be on the waiting list? My uncles are priests. Hell, until I met you, they thought that I would grow up to be a nun. As a kid, I believed that I was going to go to hell because of those thoughts. Do you now know why I can't do this? Please Ino, have someone else write the sections."

It was out. The secrets she held inside of her were all out in the open – shared with the gossip queen. It was all a mistake. She should have never been born, never gone to the academy, never be a ninja, never write books. Tonight, she would go home, adopt a kitten, pick up a couple pints of ice cream, and work on expanding her waistline.

Sakura sniffled, "Ino, I got to go. I'm late, gotta go…"

"Wait…let's talk, face to face. I will meet you at work and we will get it all taken care of. I promise."

Sakura had a bad feeling, but Ino was her best friend, turned rival, and then back to best friend.


	2. Drunken plans

**Mistake at the Rendezvous**

**By Pat Squared**

**Chapter Two: Drunken Planning**

"My life as a writer is over, Ino," Sakura complained over some drinks.

She did not know what it was, but the drink in front of her was sweet, served in a coconut with an origami flower floating in it, and probably cost as much as a she made in a week. Unlike her mentor, Sakura did not often seek enlightenment at the bottom of a cup. However, it was girls' night out and she did not want to be sober drag on the party. Besides, she won the coin toss and earned the right to get thoroughly smashed.

"How the hell am I going to find inspiration? I watched a whole bunch of Princess Gale movies and a whole bunch of chick flicks. Hell, I have only watched _Icha Icha: The Trilogy_ more times than Kakashi-sensei. If I see one more stag movie with bad dialogue, I am going to puke. I can't get it right. I can't find Mr. Right or even get Mr. Wrong to get me drunk and get me in a one night stand."

Ino hugged her as Sakura vented.

"I will never get it right. I have ruined everything. My career, your future…even your wedding. Next time you pick a lifelong pal, make sure that she is a slut. She won't let you down."

Ino signaled the young hottie of a waiter to bring another round or three of drinks.

Sakura looked at her pal, "Mom ruined me for sex and working in a hospital sealed the deal. Hell, I could be drunk and horny and still I will be thinking about the delivery I had to perform or some ninja coming in with a bad case of VD after going on a bender. I am not cut out for this. I might as well start writing murder mysteries where the heroine solves crime with help from her psychic cat. I am going to adopt a cat and start eating all the ice cream I can get. See if I can raise Tora's successor and drive young genin to drink."

Ino looked over Sakura clinically and pushed another drink into her hand as Sakura ranted.

"Look at me mom…I am an effing drunk just like Tsunade. Soon I too will have an assistant whose job is to hide the sake bottles so I will show up sober to surgery."

The drink kept coming as Sakura worked on preparing for the world's biggest hangover. The pain would hopefully drown the voice inside her head.

Ino cleared her throat, "I think I have a solution for you. Find some young stud who will make you scream praises to God all night. It can't be wrong if you are praising him, right?"

"Maybe. Maybe pigs might fly, Ino. Forget it…I am not fuckable…Just put, 'Returned Unopened' on my tombstone. Hell, brand it across my forehead. It's big enough."

Sakura knew that she was more than three sheets to the wind. Sobriety was a distant memory. Only the fact that she managed to schedule an off day tomorrow made this drunken binge seem reasonable. She needed to get smashed and tell the world to go and attempt an physiologically impossible act of self-impregnation. Ino tried, but she did not understand.

How was Sakura going to explain to her mom why she failed. A Haruno never fails. Even when the shit hits the fan, they manage to turn shit into fertilizer or some other shit that Sakura decided was better not contemplating even the smashed equivalent of having a brick to the face with an aftertaste of lemons and limes. Her mom could have had an abortion and make Sakura and it all go away. Her mother resisted the temple's urge to just give her away as just another infant to the orphanage. Mom could have hid the truth and the world would never had to know that the Maiko of the _Sho Ryo Nagashi__-taisha_ (Great Shrine of the Floating Lanterns) was raped in her own shrine in the _honden_, or sanctuary where the _goshintai_, or the sacred body of the kami resided. It was the ultimate act of contempt that a Kumo-nin could have done to insult all the ancestors of the people of the Land of Fire.

Sakura could have just disappear, hidden among the other bastards in the village orphanage. Her mom gave up being the Maiko of one of the most important temples in the Land of Fire, and enduring the shame, just to raise her. Sakura owed her mom everything. She could have ended up like many of the orphan konichi and ended up pulling seduction missions because she would have never been educated enough to do anything else.

Now, Sakura could see her mother's face as she brought home a failure in life. Her mother was proud of her being a healer and the apprentice of the Hokage. Her life seemed so good from the outside…respect, honor, and the ability to show the world that a woman could do it all. Her life was lie. It would have been better if they just tossed her into the manure pile when she was born.

Sakura grabbed another drink. The server looked at her strangely, but prudently decided to pour her another drink as she slapped down her credit card.

"I got an answer for your troubles, Forehead," Ino announced in the tone of someone who just had an alcohol-fuel revelation.

"Yes, Ms. Piggy. Pray tell me the answer to the fucked up life I live. Just no more blind dates. I am not replaying the role of the ugly friend you inflict on your boyfriend's wingman so the two of you can start knocking boots."

"This is not a blind date, well not exactly. I know exactly who you need."

Knowing that she was drunk and that if she was sober that she would be running to the hills, Sakura decided it was best not to sound totally smashed despite the undeniable fact that she was smashed. She carefully enunciated her words in a manner that only a drunk, not trying to sound like a drunk, does in a pathetic attempt not to sound drunk.

"Not exactly a blind date, eh? What exactly do I need?"

Ino smiled, "Some quality between the sheets time with a handsome stud who know how to drive you gone to Jesus crazy."

"I told you, no one night stands or blind dates."

Ino smiled, "I got something better. You need inspiration, Sakura. You need to know what it is like to have some hot stud make you see God and call his name over and over in sweet praise that you are a beautiful woman. You are a beautiful woman and you will cry out his name in praise. Hallelujah, you shall see the light and you will spread the word that you are woman and you will roar unto the heavens."

Even drunk, Sakura was shocked. Ino, she knew was no innocent when it came to men, but to hear Ino leading her into…

"You are not suggesting."

Sakura's voice trailed off. No she could not. Ino was trying to line her up with a…

"A gigolo, some man-whore," accused Sakura.

"Not a gigolo. An escort, a class act. I know the ANBU in charge of training the girls who agree to do the seduction missions. They check him weekly and he got a vasectomy so there is no chance that there will be anything permanent. He is discreet. It's the best of all worlss. You get your inspirations and no one has to know."

Sakura could not believe that she was actually listening to Ino and actively thinking of taking up Ino on her offer.

"Think about it," Ino purred like an innocent kitten. "He is focus only on making you feel like a goddess. All you have to do is lay there and let him make you quiver. All you have to do is remember and type it all out in the morning, if you can even resist the urge for a couple encores. You get your scenes, finish the three books, and be able to retire. I will even have it set up like a date so you bump into him and pretend that it was just the magic moment."

The whole universe was nuts. Sakura could not believe that she was…she was smarter than this. She knew exactly what sex lead to and with her luck…

It was outrageous, scandalous, and reckless.

It was so far beyond gone to the gods crazy that if she wrote this scene down in a book…

"Ino, if anything bad happens, I am so going to tell your daughters and granddaughters that you set your best friend up with a…"

"So do I make the call?"

Sakura knew that it was anger, alcohol, her inadequacies, and a lifetime of repression playing the role of perfect daughter that would damn her.

"There is no backing out. Tomorrow evening, seven o'clock. Lobby bar of the Takamine Hotel. I'll get you a suite and leave him the keys. Go to the bar. He will motion you over. All you have to do is go upstairs with him and enjoy."

"I can't believe that I am doing this. I must be out of my mind to do this. I must be some kind of pervert."

"Sakura, the only perversion is celibacy. Physician, go heal yourself. As for being out of your mind, he might not be about to examine your head," Ino replied, "but I got you a guy willing to 'play doctor' with you to your heart's content."


	3. Takamine Hotel

**Mistake at the Rendezvous**

**By Pat Squared**

**Chapter Three: Takamine Hotel**

"Gentlemen, it was a pleasure doing business with you."

It was like some kind of tribal ritual. Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki went around the table shaking hands with the five members of a venture capital group that just agreed to provide 25-million ryo over all three rounds of funding for the pair's latest project.

Twenty five million ryo. They had backers with hard cash. _Intimate Moments_ _Publishing_, or IMP, was now more than a pipe dream.

The idea was simple - Soft core porn written by women for women. Millions of women who would never even consider having Icha Icha around the house will now be reading soft core porn made especially for them. They even had Ayama Suzuki on a three-book deal to launch. Ino had came through bringing them the largest name in sweet romance to lead her audience to the next level. They had read the outline and writing samples, but Ino held back the sex scenes saying that she had the good stuff under lock and key. Normally this would make investors skittish, but the name Suzuki Ayama was the key that unlocked harden hearts and got investors in a frenzy.

It was time to celebrate. Tomorrow, Naturo and Sasuke would be swamped putting half a dozen things into play, but today was a day to relax.

The phone rang and Naruto picked it up.

"Yes dear. We got it. Yes, yes, I will pick up ice cream and more catfish on the way home."

Sasuke looked over and gave Naruto the classic, trademarked Uchiha 'Hn' as he shuddered. The image of Hinata's craving of the week made the former _nuke-nin_ (renegade ninja) shudder. Ice cream and catfish flavored ramen…there were flavors of ramen that not even Naruto would touch.

"I can't wait until you start rebuilding your clan, _teme_ (bastard). Mood swings and food cravings are just a part of having kids as much as doing the nasty."

Another 'Hn.'

"Okay teme, go celebrate. Go and walk up to a girl at a bar and be social for once. I dare you. Even Neji got the stick out of his ass, saw the light, and asked Tenten out. I will see you tomorrow afternoon. Don't let your fan girls get to you, okay?" Naruto joked as he walked out the door.

_Dobe is whipped._

Sasuke was a lot of things, but he was not whipped.

Sasuke managed to return to the village and somehow managed to keep his head and a relative degree of freedom – At least a smidge better than the freedom of the grave.

Sasuke Uchiha did a five-year suspension, chasing that damn cat with a bunch of genin fresh from the academy. It was his job to act as a special trainer and bounce from genin team to genin team getting them ready to take the chunin exam. Even with a chakra limiter, his knowledge of foreign jutsu allowed him to be perfect opposition force for academy graduates to practice against. It was demeaning but he could not run away this time – One step outside Konoha and boom, a modified explosive tag on his belly would ensured his guts would be splattered all over the land. They had seals all over him. Since he returned, he went from being the prince of Konohagakure to an SS-ranked genin to a pauper genin chasing cats at half the going rate. Even the fan girls, at least the ones with an IQ high enough to pass potty training disappeared. Nope, the only fan girls left were Yaoi-fangirls who wanted him paired with another boy – Even with that creepy Sai-character dating Ino Yamanaka, there were Yaoi fan girls who still petitioned kama nightly to get them hooked up together.

_Damn you Konohamaru._ The all too effective _oiroke otokonoko d__ō__shi no jutsu_ (boy on boy sexy technique) that Naruto's number one protégé created feature Sasuke and a Sai-like boy doing the…

The thought made him sudder.

The only worse image in his mind was Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane having geriatric sex on a desk in the 'stacks' of the hokage's private library. It was the one mission that Sasuke cursed his sharigan eyes because he would never forget that image for the rest of his life. There was no mind bleach effective enough to make him forget the seen as much as he wanted to.

Sasuke had spent years protecting his virgin asshole from Orochimaru and his band of merry pedophiles. He would rather proudly suffer rectal cancer than to let anyone probe him. Since free sex was off the table, and he hated karaoke, the only vice left for him was to get thoroughly smashed and rent a bedmate.

"You are going to grow hair on your palms and go blind, Susuke," he uttered to himself as he made the phone call. He ordered the special.

It was time to get drunk and maybe spend the night with some rent a floozy soul. It had been months since Karin legally reamed his ass out in front of the divorce judge and longer since he had any meaningful sex. That divorce had cost him whatever money he had left in the Uchiha coffers. At least he was not stuck with spousal support and he was lucky enough that he did not reproduce with that... She must have slapped him one too many times in the face with an exploding tag so that he would be dumb enough to say yes. He had sold his soul for pity sex and it bit him in the ass.

_Dad was right – Free sex is the most expensive sex in the world._

He decided right then, he was going to walk into the usual bar, pick up the call girl he rented, and see what the hell would happen.

Sakura Haruno could not believe that she agreed to this.

As a youth, she dreamt of how she would lose her virginity. However, she would have never even contemplated going to a professional to get rid of her virginity.

_Yes dear, your mother was so inept that she had to pay to get laid._

She had three strong drinks to steel her nerves. She had dropped fifty five thousand ryo, a week's salary for a nurse, on a little red dress that would make a high priced call girl envious and would probably would be ripped off of her body within five minutes. To complete the image, she even went commando (wore no underwear) like the little slut she would become tonight.

_Oh my God, what the hell am I doing_.

She could handle running an emergency room in the middle of a disaster, but she could not keep the butterflies out of her stomach.

It was official.

She was stark raving mad. The only worst than doing this was to face the blank piece of paper in her typewriter. She would not fail. She would not return to her typewriter a virgin.

She walked into the lobby bar at the semi crowded room. In one corner, there was a group of businessmen who had been celebrating rather hard with hard liquor. In other, was some older lady holding a séance with her gin and juice. Up by the bar was a pianist playing the equivalent of elevator music.

Then she saw HIM.

The butterflies fled. This was a man…the man she pray would be the one to make her a woman.

_Please, let him be the one. Please, let him…_

He motioned toward her.

_Thank you, thank you, thank you, God._

He was tall, handsome, a god among men.

Ino had picked her stud well. Stunningly good looking was an understatement. He was the devil and the damnation never looked so good. No wonder Konoha did not have issues recruiting girls to do those kind of missions. If they showed him to her back when she graduated from the academy and told her that he would be the training volunteers for seduction missions - she would have forgotten about that asshole, Sasuke Uchiha, strip, and proceed to let the man in front of her screw her in front of the entire class, hell the entire village.

His pout was so damn sexy that there had to be a warning label somewhere on him.

Sakura now imagined herself naked on the piano, grunting like a pig, as he plowed her untended fields. She took a quick breath to pull oxygen back into her starved lungs.

_Okay, act casual, be classy, and let him take the lead._

She walked towards the couch where he was sitting. He stood up like a proper gentleman would do.

"Hello, I am Ayama," Sakura introduced herself with the agreed upon name as she sat next to him.

The was no hesitation, "You are also lovely."

He took her hand and kissed it in a classy, gentleman kind of way.

Stunned was an understatement. The electricity from his kiss, races through her hand, up her arm, and into her heart. He was better than any automatic emergency defibrillator.

_Kickstart my start, Romeo_.

The voice inside her head was screaming, commanding her to have his babies.

_No wonder why Hinata was always passing out with a nose bleed…Be cool, he will make you scream._

He passed the waitress a bill and asked her, "Would you like something to drink?"

_You Tarzan. Me Jane. Make me grunt._

"A martini, dry."

"Same here."

The waitress left with the orders.

"How are do doing this fine Thursday evening?"

_In heat, nervous, wanting to rip off my cloths and scream just do me_.

"Fine, how about you?" she automatically replied.

_Fine, fine, that's all you can say is fine. You get a hunk whose sole job is to make you _very_ happy and…no wonder you still are a virgin!_

He raised an eyebrow and chuckled like a favorite uncle – deep, low, but comforting. If this was not an arranged moment, Sakura would rate this man as a sure thing for a mate. She laughed.

"What's the joke," he asked.

"Nothing really. How about you?"

He looked at her and deadpanned, "Sorry, I am in a good mood tonight, I usually don't go out on weekdays. This is like a little holiday for me."

"What is so special?"

"It is not every day that a man meets a lady as beautiful as you. I say the pleasure is all mine."

"You got to be joking."

"Unlike many other girls, I do not have to wrestle with my conscious when I call you beauful."

He looked at her body like it was most perfect body in the world. If any other man looked at her like this, she would have already punched him through the wall yelling 'Pervert!'

_Cha! He is the perfect man…can we take him out and fuck until it's time for our funeral her inner self demanded._

Sakura had long thought that the instant horny vixen act was just bad writing. Now that she met him…She made a mental note to add a fourth book to the contract while letting him oogle her.

"Do weekends find you out and about socializing?"

"Sometimes I work on the weekend, but a labor of love makes it all worthwhile. I say it's definitely worthwhile tonight. I never understood why men drink themselves stupid or snort powder when a beauty such as you can intoxicate men so."

His finger idly traced the rim of his glass as his dark eyes looked into hers, "You are so gorgeous, you know, I could eat you right up."

He obviously enjoyed watching her blush.

"A friend of mine told me to get out more and enjoy life."

"All work and no play…I guess. Do you like your work?"

"I do. It's challenging and often demanding, but there is a certain satisfaction in being able to bring a little happiness to the world."

He was perfect, too perfect to be true, but here he was. Handsome, sexy, a touch of hidden danger, polite, charming…Hell, if her mom could see her now, mom would cheer or try to kill her and take her place. Even a nun could not resist sin in such an irresistible package.

The waitress returned with her drink, he carefully clink the glass and toasted, "Here is to Thursday nights."

She slipped and coughed as the martini slid down her throat.

"Are you okay," he asked.

"First time I had a martini. It's an eye opener."

"So are you…A toast then, to all the firsts in life."

The martini hit her tummy and made her warm inside as she tried to interpret his words.

She took another sip. She vowed to have a slip of a martini every night in remembrance of this night with him. Some women wanted a cigarette after sex. No, for her, it definitely has to be a very dry martini. It was not even time for foreplay and he already made her feel like…Her childhood crush on that Uchiha-teme, her fantasies, even the erotic ones, were nothing compared to this and it was not yet time for the main event.

The dialogue was perfect, corny, perfect, so unbelievable that she would never imaging it in a million years, but it was so fitting.

"Do they give you a script or something?"

He blinked, "What are you talking about?"

"You say it like you are out of a romance book."

She sipped cursing herself for spoiling the aura...for being the kid that had to rip the mystery away from a magician's trick. She intellectually knew that sex begins in the brain and a pro such as he would start the foreplay by playing mind-games with her.

"Are you saying, 'Stop feeding me lines?'"

"No, no. It's just…no man has ever told me…"

He shook his head, "Ayama, if man attempted to describe your beauty, their words would fail to capture what makes you special. See those businessmen over there. They came in planning to hang out and drink bears, but now they are looking at you, wishing they were talking as we were talking. See that older lady in the corner, she is trying to maintain her composure that she is not the center of attention. They look at you envious of you."

Sakura looked over at the middle age lady at the bar and looked back at him.

"I noticed that she is not happy."

"And yet she insists on staring at us instead of introducing herself to one of the young men over at the bar. She is still attractive to hunt down a man of her own but would rather wait passively and complain. I know her type all too well."

"How?"

"I once was lost in bitterness. I thought the world owed me. You remember what you once had and what to lash out at the world for taking it all away. When two messed up individuals get together…let's say what brought me and one like her together tore us apart."

She looked down at his hands. There was no ring, but an indentation of where a ring once was.

"Divorced, you don't sound bitter?"

"Why should I be? We did not fit together and as a consequence our lives fell apart. It was better that we ended it before we had kids and ruined more lives."

"And did she feel the same way?"

"More or less. She wanted to be a queen and I had to work to make a living."

"What did you do?"

He looked at her for a second before replying.

"Individuals with certain needs need a favor and it was my job to make sure they left happy. I got to teach others and help them realized that one can have it all, but without the heart, the will to care for those precious people, all the talent in the world is nothing.

"You came up to me and took a chance. As a youth, I screwed up my life and the lives of those who wanted to be my friend. I was the talented one…the one who everyone believed would rise to the top. I had lost everything in a quest to…It was not worth the lost…I returned believing that death would be my end. Instead, my best friend beat the crap out of me until I learned to ask for forgiveness. He told me that unless I asked, the answer would always be no..that I had to take the chance at yes. I have a lot to make up for and will spend the rest of my life trying to bring happiness to those I hurt. Ayama, I am asking you…"

Sakura looked at his dark eyes and saw that this man spoke the truth.

"Say no more. Yes, my answer is yes. Let's go upstairs and share a little happiness."

Sasuke Uchiha wondered what deity decided to bless him with this woman hanging off his arm. She was a great actor. Whoever coached her to play the role of a virginal nymphet must a hell of an acting coach. The name sounded familiar and the pink hair and green eyes reminded him of Sakura Haruno. The pimp somehow knew exactly what he wanted. However, Ayama was so different than that flat-chest tomboy who stalked him back before he ran off to seek revenge.

Ten years ago, he would have 'Hn' his way through a conversation pretending to be too cool. However, five years of being socially isolated made him appreciate the little things in life. Between the fines and penalties, he could not afford much and the only entertainment left to him were books in his mother's reading room. The authorities removed the jutsu scrolls, but left him all the romance novels and self-help books. With the sharingan, he has just about memorized every book and found himself instinctively knowing what to say.

_Romance books written by ladies for ladies_.

This was the goldmine. No male would ever understand just how the female mind worked. Females had a channel two hidden in the second X-chromosome that no male would ever crack. It was this epiphany that got him to get Naruto to start a new publishing line.

However, Sasuke was not focused on the job. He was focused on the girl beside him. For the first time since the death of his family, Sasuke was willing to let someone into his heart at least for one night, well save for Naruto with his battering ram of a personality.

Just what had he gotten himself into.

The few times he rented a girl, it was so clinical. She would go up into the room, count the money, strip, make the appropriate grunts, and pocket the change, and go home. This one made it feel like you weren't renting affection. There was no 'Are you done yet vibe?'

He wondered what it would cost to hire her as a kept mistress. A lot of clan head did this. Marriages were about politics. Have the heir and the spare, then both partners would look elsewhere for entertainment. As long as the form's were follow and the male took care of any bastard offspring and their mothers, everyone would turn a blind eye. His dad had Auntie Wu and a couple 'niece and nephews' before the massacre.

_Think about it once the money is rolling in. Enjoy tonight._

He had paid the service fifty thousand ryo to hire this high class call girl. He intended to enjoy it. Maybe tonight would allow him to forget all the lonely nights he suffered because of his stupidity. He should of taken up Sakura on her offer all those years ago.

_Forget her. She is long gone._

_Eff that pink hair banchee and focus on this one until she wears her voice out screaming to the gods_.

* * LEMON NOTICE * *

This is a M-rated fan fiction.

If you want to save the remainder of your innocence, skip the next chapter.


	4. Sakura's new hobby

**Mistake at the Rendezvous**

**Sakura's New Hobby**

**By Pat Squared **

*** Graphic Lemon and Limes ***

He kissed her feverously through her clothes, biting her right nipple. She wanted to die until he firmly latched on. He pulled her dress over her head as he laid her out over the table. He noted that she did not wear any underwear. A part of him wanted to comment, another, more dominant part just wanted to devour her.

She was lain out naked like the slut she was born to be. With the speed of the ninja he once was, he darted his head between her thighs. He channeled his chakra into his tongue, lengthening it while thanking his perverted former teacher for this sacred jutsu. He then slid it into her holy of holies.

And everything ceased to matter. His sordid past did not matter. The fact that she was just another call girl servicing just another john with cash to rent her body for the night did not matter. He was man…she was woman…that was all that mattered in this rented hotel room. Just the taste of her mattered.

_Touch her there. Find the hidden love button. Nibble, probe, attack, attack, attack_.

A pair of thighs squeezed clamping tight about her ears, silencing the world as she drove his lips, his tongue into her. She held him tight, not letting him go. The world outside ceased to be as her body betrayed her.

Some scream. Some explode. Some implode. This one was quiet. Only the quivering of her muscles betrayed the little death that overtook his partner.

It was time, but when he slide up towards her…

She grabbed into his face and kissed it. She sucked his face tasting both him and her. She rolled over and with surprising strength for a civilian pushed him back over the table unto the couch/daybed. She eyed him like a cannibal eyed the long pig. The look in her eye told him that she would consume him. He did not care. If he died, paradise could not compare to the damnation she promised him.

Who wanted to go to the heavens and spend eternity singing hymns, when one can enjoy the damnation between her thighs?

_Go ahead and sign me up for Hell._

She could not be human. She had to be succubae, one of Satan's seducers, one of the sirens whose voice summoned men to their doom. And what a beautiful doom it was.

There was no further thought. He had to seal the deal. He had to mate with her, to claim her, to mark her as his, even if tomorrow she would whore herself to a dozen other women or men. She was his, his alone for this night, and he vowed to claim her in such a manner that even if she had a hundred thousand other lovers that she would always think of him, here, now, in this place, mating like the animals they truly were.

He grabbed her hips and pulled down. He ripped her open for the world to see. He thrust up as she screamed. He moved like the piston on a steam locomotive. Slower, faster, faster, faster, and then when one could not go any faster, exploded into her. His seed blasted her womb. He imagined his seed climbing up into her, making her big with his child. He imagined himself thrusting his rod into her swelling forge. He did not relax. Despite the release, it was still ramming itself into her getting stiffer with every thrust.

She screamed, "Do it, do it, knock me up. Give me your babies!"

It was like she was reading his mind. She was begging him to fulfill his fantasy. If he only knew that reviving a clan could be so…

_Fuck revenge…_

A brief memory of his former pink-haired teammate came into his mind. He was going to give that screaming man-hating bitch exactly what she need. He was going to fuck…to rutt…to thrust himself into her and release himself so that she will be pregnant for the rest of her life. He was fucking her like the whore she was. He was fucking her like she was the last female on the face of this planet. He was fucking her like this was the only chance he had to revive his clan. He reached up towards her perfectly-sized breasts. They weren't big like the Hyuga's legendary mammary glands, but just perfectly sized for his hands. She grabbed his hand and guided his fingers to her perfect, pink nipples.

"Do it you prick. Grab me, break me. Make me your slut. Make me beg me. Whip me. Beat me. Fuck me. Make me sign your bad checks."

The last line did not make sense. It did not have to make sense. She was commanding him to make her incoherent. He would oblige.

_**The Morning After**_

Sakura felt sorry for her lover. He knew how to please her, but he was no stamina freak as her former teammate, Naruto, was. She could not image how Hinata could deal with all that stamina. The ANBU that Ino _hired_ managed to perform five times last night. Somehow, she remembered that stimulating the prostate gland of a male causes an erection and managed to get two more before he passed out. His ass was gonna hurt. The candle was not small in girth, but…it was worth it.

She did not know what to feel. She should have felt guilty. But something inside of her wanted this. She now knew that inside she was a born slut and probably would have gladly became one if her mother left her at the orphanage. He gave her a taste of what she wanted…no what she was born to be. He helped her discover her fantasy…her inner submissive who got excited by being treated like a slut. He even gave her a _tip_ of 50,000 ryo for her services – the same price as a high-class call girl. No one traded names. He taught her well about the arts of the bed chamber and left her wanting more.

Silently, Sakura took a shower, got dressed, took a final glance at her snoring bedmate, candle still in the arse, and went down stairs into the bar for a celebratory dry martini before returning home to her typewriter. She would proudly enjoy this walk of shame and planned to enjoy many more starting with her next day off. However, first, she was going to go shopping.

_Two days after_

A messenger-nin handed Ino a heavy box. There was no return address on the box and the box was far too heavy to hold a single manuscript. Ino signed the receipt and took the box into her office.

One hour later, a lathered Ino was thankful that she had her own private office with plenty of ventilation and a private bathroom with a shower. The stuff here was more potent than _Icha-Icha: Mega-perv's adventures_ and yet it was so romantic that no Princess Gale story could keep up. There were four completed manuscripts, no four bibles of erotic literary gold. Not just enough to pay for her upcoming wedding, but to buy her house, her vacation house, any future kids' academy fees, and leave enough to pay for three-day weekend spa treatments for the rest of her life.

Ino was so happy and so jealous. That ANBU agent did his job and turned Miss Goody into…Ino was starting to weep tears of joy. Sakura would no longer be an anchor when it came time to go man-hunting. She imagined Sakura and herself wearing leopard-skin bikinis stalking a well-hung man.

On the other side of town, Anko sneezed. She was clad in a leopard-skin bikini and an old pith helmet passed down from her mother's side of the helmet from long before the First Ninja War, sneezed as she pounced on her favorite prey – a certain scared-face ninja whose day-job was running the Ninja Academy and whose night job included spanking a certain naughty school girl.

This stuff was so golden that it would even make Hinata a pervert, not that she was not already a perverted stalker for our favorite orange-clad ninja.

_She just wanted her body on his, his dangerous advances, sinful caresses… She wanted him to stop this game, stop the innuendo, stop the hinting of what could be. She wanted his to love her…no, she wanted him to take her, to mark her, to spill himself in her, to make her his, even for this one night. She knew that she had to play this game. He did not know that she sent away his usual girl, that she paid 50,000-ryo to be his whore for this night. He would take her virginity and tonight would give her a piece of his that would belong to her forever._

The last manuscript, _Hunting for my Perfect Baby's Daddy_, was the most erotic thing that Ino ever read. Each script in the sequence traced a generation of sinful mothers who raised virtuous daughters until the daughters met danger, seduction, and an unquenchable sexual fever in the mysterious bad boy. Sakura had definitely tapped into her repressed self and what was inside was a wonder to behold. At the bottom of the box was a note that stating there were three more scripts in the works.

If anyone walked into her office, there would be a sight scarier than the _sunset no jutsu_ made famous by Gai and Rock Lee. Inside the Anbu Headquarters, Sai suddenly felt sorry for his nuts not knowing that his fiancé was being inspired to new heights of lust.

_It was time to get the dirt on Sakura's new boytoy._

_**The Hokage's Office**_

Tsunade could not figure out what happened to her student, Sakura. Last week, Sakura was racing to become a burnt out medic-nin. Today, Sakura was joking, laughing, serious when it was required, but anything other than the stick up her ass self. She looked at her aide, Shuzine, and wordlessly handed her a thousand-ryo note.

"Who is the stud?" Tsunade asked, "And where can I rent him?"

Shuzine shrugged her shoulders. The pair looked into the Hokage's crystal ball. Instead of looking for the local male studs doing their squat thrusts at the local gym, the pair watched the ladies' staff changing room at the hospital. Sakura was obviously getting ready to head out. Instead of getting into her usual clothes, she was putting on a 50,000-ryo cocktail dress and going commando.

"A thousand-ryo on…"

Shuzine looked at her mentor, "Don't jinx her. We don't want to be stuck babysitting her kids on top of Naruto's."

_**The Love Hotel**_

_It obviously was not the first time a female house cleaner at the love hotel had to remove a candle out of a recovering male patron's ass before booting him off the bed so she could dispassionately change the bed sheets _ Sasuke mused.

Since that night, he visited the lobby bar waiting for her. On his table were two perfectly made dry martinis made only in the fashion that the anal retentive queer bartender would make for a potential boy-toy. His world was not the same since that infamous night. Sasuke called his connection to arrange another meeting, but the pimp told him that the girl would be out of town on a long-term engagement.

It was not the same. He had screwed several girls in an attempt to get her out of his mind. Fat girls, skinny girls, pretty girls, ugly girls, older women, younger girls, blonds, brunets, head heds, dominant and submissive girls. Still as he did his thing, in his mind, it was her that he was thrusting his little 'Uchiha' into. Between the memories and the new book manuscripts Ino dropped off, his little 'Uchiha' was constantly at attention.

He wondered if somehow that candle was still in his ass and if liking a candle in the ass made him gay or at least bi. He quickly changed the line of questioning because he was the last of the Uchiha and the last one cannot be _gay._

A giggle in the background awoken him from contemplating a trip to the candle store.

_It's her._

He looked around and noticed her. She obviously knew how to cast a henge and quite a good one. Her hair was dark as were her eyes. Her skin was tan, but she did not change her body. She obviously was one of the washouts from the academy.

She was obviously with a client. Sasuke could not see the face, but he obviously was a ninja and by the prices the restaurant change, let alone that girl, the ninja had to be at least a special jonin if not a full jonin in rank. The male's hair was dark and he obviously was dressed in new civilian clothing.

She was giggling toasting the inventor of a dry martini. She was… she was…

_Destroy…destroy…crush the competition and take her in the lobby._

However, he could not move. He could only watch as she caressed the hand of a stranger. If Itachi was not dead, Sasuke would believe himself trapped in the ultimate genjutsu. It was torture, but he was compelled to sit tight and watch her wine and dine a client before going upstairs for a private dessert.

The pair stood up. He could not see the face of his rival…no his enemy for her affections. All he could see was her smile as she led another john to the room where she seized his soul. He had to stop it. He wanted to stop it.

Yet he calmly paid his bill and followed the couple to the room. Electronic locks were child's play to a ninja, especially those with a strong secondary lightning affinity. A little spark here and he slid into the room as he cast a jutsu to make him blend into the room. It would not fool a jonin, if the jonin was actively sensing for an intruder.

However, as long as the jonin was distracted…

Thankfully, he could not see the face of the man who was taking his place on the bed. All he could see was her back and her smile in the mirror as she climbed onto the phallus.

"You have not been youthful enough, young ninja," she muttered," Now it is time for me to take your youth from you."

"Never, the power of youth will protect me from all…"

"Will it protect you from this?"

She squeezed her beasts together as Sasuke's hand loosened his pants.

"The only way to defeat me is to overwhelm me with your youth. Defeat me or I will eat more than your youthful soul."

Her thighs squeezed as the young man in bad gasped. Sasuke found himself stroking his manhood as the whore bounced on his job.

"You are youthful my dear, but I clearly will fan my flames of youth. If I cannot give you a thousand orgasms tonight, I will not rest until you have a hundred thousand before you get out of this bed. If I fail that I will…."

Thankfully, Sasuke did not hear the next phase as she leaned over and shoved her tongue in the male's mouth. The pressure was building up inside as he watched. His hand was moving faster and faster moving up and down massaging his joystick. He wanted to plant himself into her. He wanted…

_Oh crap._

Strings of warm, ropy seed flew from hid rod unto her shapely rear. He shuddered but she was so busy bouncing that…

He could see her smile in the mirror as if she knew he was there.

_I will get you next time…my little slave_…the smile said. He knew that it was a figment of his imagination. He knew that if the pair sensed him, he would be dead. However, he needed to worship at her alter. He was so far beyond pussy whipped that not even the ancient author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, the original masochist, could not understand the absolute grip she had on his soul. However, unlike Severin, he would never lose his willingness to submit to his Venus. He watched as she whored herself out to another man bringing himself to pleasure twice more before he slipped away. She had worn out her john and was reaching for a candle.

*** Lemon Ends ***

Sakura was almost bouncing off the wall when she strode into the hospital. If you told her a week ago that she would be Slutura, Konoha's latest reincarnation of the legendary Happy Hooker, you would hear the words "Hentai" as you found yourself launched through the nearest concrete wall. Instead, now she was looking for her next john. Working at the hospital was an advantage, you knew if your potential prey was clean in a venereal sense.

It was thrilling to have this double life. By day, she was the respected protégé of the legendary Senin Tsunade. By night, she was the mysterious 100,000-ryo call girl that get men to spend their life savings to sate her newfound lusts for the night.

_Sex was greeeeeeaaatttt!_

She quickly examined the charts and neatly printed (unlike the other doctors) her orders as another part of her was selected her next_ victim_.


	5. Mistress Mystery

**Mistake at the Rendezvous**

**Mistress Mystery**

**By Pat Squared**

"I am only responsible for my own heart,

you offered yours up for the smashing my darling.

Only a fool would give out such a vital organ."

– _Anaïs Nin_

_Why oh why did I have to fall for a whore?_ Sasuke muttered to himself for the hundred thousandth time today.

_A whore is a whore is a whore, A junkie is a junkie is a junkie,_ he reminded himself. Coming from a long line of police officers, he knew that whores were just like junkies. _Once one was hooked into the life, she will remain hooked for life. Nothing could not fix her_. Once a girl was in…there was no way out.

_She is just another whore…there are many more just like her. Get your ashes hauled, but never, ever fall in love with a whore_. _You saw her with…Him…those bushy brows…her bouncing on his…_thing_ as he screamed about the power of youth. No sane girl would ever sleep with that for free._

_You are just another john. The piece of ass cost you two month's salary and you are broke. Do you think that she is going to stay loyal, to sleep with you when you are penniless? Crap, you are more delusional than those fan girls that use to stalk you back at the academy! She is just going to go and find another sugar daddy._

Generations worth of cop wisdom passed down by the Uchiha clan did little to solve his problem. Generations of wisdom was telling him to let go and find a proper wife who did not make her living by sleeping with half the village. Even when Itachi subjected him to the torture of the , Sasuke got to set nightmares of his precious dong turning rotten black and falling off because he was dumb enough to bang a fan girl, let alone a whore.

_At least she is not a junkie…and she obviously knew the _henge no jutsu_. That means that she is able to pass down the ability use chakra to her offspring. That technically makes her an eligible…_

Sasuke quickly squeezed that line of thought. He could not begin thinking of her like that…trying to see how she would fit into the Uchiha mold of an acceptable bride. His parents, his entire clan, hell, even Itachi would rise up from their graves and beat the crap out of him if he ever ensured that next Uchiha Clan Mother and Holder of Clan Honor be a whore and all the future Uchiha be descended from a whore's get.

_What do I know about her?_

(1) She works out of the Takamine '_Love'_ Hotel.

(2) She loved dry martinis

(3) She does not work the streets, but only with high net worth individuals.

(4) She can manipulate chakra.

(5) She...

Suddenly, Sasuke sat up.

_Chakra_…Unless you came from a ninja family the only place where you could learn the henge was…

_The Academy_.

He knew the identity of every female from Konoha's noble clans. As a child, every noble clan, with the exception of the Hyūga and Inuzuka cloans, tried to get him to breed with one of the their daughters. It was this knowledge that made him run away from those vultures and worse, those potential vultures-in-laws. He was not dumb. If he bred with one of those, they would just wait for the heir and the spare before arranging a fatal accident. There was more than enough money to get a saint to do the deed. Once the money was gone, the clans went hunting for some other sop. The fan girls disappeared the moment he had to work for a living. No girl wanted to spend their nights in Sasuke tent out in the Konoha forest.

Since the henge was taught in the final two years, she had to be one of the washouts from the academy or even graduated and then washed out on the 'real' _genin_ exam. She was near his age, perhaps within two or three years. If he matched the photos, he might…

There was no way that he could not figure out who she was.

The Uchiha became cops, not only because they were strong enough to deal with most belligerent ninjas, but has the bad case of curiosity and a coffee and donut addiction that rivaled Naruto's ramen addiction. It use to be that Konoha's counter intelligence routinely employed female Uchiha since they instinctively had the urge to keep tabs on everyone and everything…That and that their propensity for sharing gossip among one another made Ino looked like a monk who took a vow of silence and then sewn her mouth shut. The men were more silent, but they always were watching. Once an Uchiha was on the case, they could never let it go until their curiosity was sated. A Nara male was more likely to voluntarily join the cult of youth than an Uchiha was to let something going without knowing the truth.

Sasuke knew it would just be a matter of time before he found out who she really was. He just had to do the legwork.

The telephone buzzed interrupting his train of thought.

Ino had just messengered another Suzuki Amaya manuscript to the office. She was following up and he had to do the preliminary review. Naruto was taking Hinata to her OB/GYN for another pregnancy check up on the twins. The scripts were great, but Suzuki Amaya was turning in manuscripts like the Hyūga clan popped out twins. They were great, but he had a stack of them and he was falling behind.

Cursing fate, he set aside his quest and vainly attempted to read through the manuscript.

It did not work.

Despite all the steamy sex scenes, all Sasuke could do was see _her_ naked form in his mind's eye. Instead of images of two college students, Jiro and Katsume, doing the horizontal tango on every service in the cramped woodman's cabin as they were dodging hunter nin due to mistaken identity, all he could do was to remember that night.

_No..._

It was official. Sometimes an Uchiha got obsessed about a case and ignored everything else until the case was solved. _'Trapped by Mistress Mystery'_ was once a common phrase in the clan. Sasuke knew that if he did not find her, claim her, and make her bare his children he would be the last Uchiha trapped by Mistress Mystery.

_**Hokage's Office**_

Tsunade looked at the mountain of paperwork that Shizune was wheeling into her office. One fire jutsu and it would be all gone.

_Naruto…_

In order to spare Sasuke Uchiha's life, Naruto voluntarily shared in the Uchiha punishment. His rank was frozen for as long as there were restrictions on the Uchiha. And those would not be lifted until Sasuke had a child who entered the ninja ranks. With the fact that Sasuke is divorced, his ex barren, and the fact that he was the new village pariah, there would be no little Uchiha to spring Sasuke out of punishment. Naruto had to make jonin before she could retire and hand over the reins of the village over. Chunin could teach, even head a major administrative unit such as the hospital or academy, but you had to be a jonin, and an elite jonin at that, to even be considered.

She wanted to just grant the blond, hyperactive knucklehead a pardon. The Council would vote to repeal Sasuke's punishment, but Naruto made a vow and nothing save for fulfilling it would allow him to step up into the Hokage's office and ultimately allow Tsunade to once again hit the casinos. If only she could convince one of her ninjas to seduce that punk and pop out the kid.

Tsunade rubbed her temples in order to suppress a coming headache. There were a million and one things on her desk. Thankfully, she had Sakura running the medic nin training program, Iruka running the academy and supervising Naruto and Konohamaru as they were handling semi-feral brats, and Sai running the ANBU Ne (Root) program. Ninjas were good at self-policing. However the civilians…

Tsunade never thought that she would miss the Uchiha and the Konoha police.

Sure, the Uchiha had the tendency of turning out psychotic ninjas with a deadly arsenal of stolen jutsu, but for generations, the Uchiha clan masterfully handle the criminal justice and civil courts. They could somehow herd the civilians without the civilians knowing just how they were played. Her grandfather had long remarked that the only thing the Uchiha were good for was herding cats and keeping the civilians in line. It was that ability that, if Itachi did not kill the clan, made the threat of an Uchiha rebellion a significant threat. They could call upon the civilians to boycott the ninja clans. It was far easier to hear Tora and her offspring than it was to deal with all the petty things the civilians complained about.

Now that the Konoha police force was gone, the Hokage's office now had to take over the administration of justice. Police work generated tons of reports all of which got fed into the court system that generated must more paperwork. This kind of paper multiplied like a hutch of rabbits on Viagra and fertility pills and that was even before it all went to the copy ninjas of Kinkosgakure (the village hidden in the Kinko's copy shop) for Xerox copying and back to the archives for filing..

Nightmares, cramps, sore bleeding eyeballs – She wanted to launch her desk into orbit or turn it into kinding, but Minato and previous Hokages had done something to make the Desk immune to even her strength and jutsu. Besides, Konoha would riot if she destroyed the Desk. It seemed that entire generations of ninjas lost their virginities or were conceived on that desk (**AN**: a nod to Lucilla's _5 Hokages_). Why the Desk…Why not? The Desk, once a comfortable surface for Dan and her to… Now it was her hell. You screw on the Desk and the Desk screws you back with excessive interest _sans_ lubrication.

Tsunade looked up at her student after she looked over the medic nin training program budget.

"I heard that you have a new boyfriend."

Sakura turned red like a certain Hyūga and stammered, "That was just a date…between friends. Just dinner and…"

"Don't be ashamed. Ninjas don't have the luxury of time. Find him, screw him senseless, brand him, have the kids, and remember to occasionally beat some sense and motivation into him with a frying pan."

"Tsunade-sensei, I haven't…"

Tsunade looked her over.

"Oh you will and remember that it is your job to teach him that free sex is the most expensive sex of all. Enough of that – Let's look over the paperwork. Status – Budget and finances?"

"1.5-million ryo under flex budget amount, 2-percent over baseline budget, collection rate on accounts receivable is 94.3-percent, current cash conversion cycle is 95.3-days, and 45-days of tier one expendables in stock."

"Staffing?"

"4 physician-level medic nins, 3 civilian physicians, 2 psychiatric nins, 15 nurses, 36 direct medical support, 3 administrative support, and 16 facilities personnel currently on duty with total staffing of 28 physician level personnel, 11 psychiatric personnel, 65 nursing staff, 107 direct medical support, 14 administrative support, and 60 facilities personnel. In addition, we can call upon 67 retired medic field nins and 63 retired medical personnel if an emergency requires it."

"How many patients?"

"As of 0930, 357 in-patients and an estimated 625 out-patients per twenty four hour cycle."

"Jonin?"

"15."

"Chunin?"

"22."

"Genin?"

"64."

"Academy students?"

"13."

"Civilians?"

"186."

"Prisoners?"

"57."

"Orgasms?"

"5."

"Orgasms?"

"Fa…Fiv…"

Sakura suddenly found the tops of her feet very interesting.

"How many times on this desk?"

"Nuh…nih…none?"

Tsunade smiled, "Good girl. You ought to try it sometimes. Just remember to use contraception though, half of Konoha was conceived on this desk. I remember when…"

Sakura covered her ears. Sex was great, but imagining her sensei…She was going to need some significant mind bleach to get this one out of her head.

_**Yamato's Tempanyaki**_

"So how was it?" asked Ino. "Don't spare the details."

It was the first time the pair had managed to meet after that night of infamy.

Sukura looked at her pal, "He…"

"He what…"

"He made me a nymphomaniac. If they had him visit me back in the academy, I would have forget about Sasuke and volunteer become a _flower_."

Ino smiled like Tora after defeating another genin team.

"I told you that you just had to loosen up a little bit. Life is too short to die a virgin. So how many?"

"Fiv…Seven times."

"Five or seven."

Sakura looked her pal in the eye.

"He lasted for five. Then I stimulated his prostrate. Then two more times."

Ino was shocked.

She intellectually knew that a prostrate stimulation can resurrect a man, but had never used it since the thought of having something shove up ones ass is repugnant to most straight men. To hear Virgin Sakura using a trick not even covered in those academy classes that the girls only attended. Sakura had proven herself and earned her sex mistress badge.

Ino had done it. She had turned the virgin Sister Sakura Haruno into a nymphomaniac, even by succubi standards. If Ino did not have Sai…Ino would be trying to arrange a test drive.

Sakura lifted up her martini, "Take this and drink from it. This martini is given unto you to wash away your urges to follow those tight ass rules about keeping it pure for the marriage bed. Ino, I am starting a new religion. I am now Sister Sakura, Mother Superior of the Order of the Garter. This world will be a far better place when I let mankind find their spiritual succor at my shrine. Let us go and find some converts."

Ino knew about Sakura's inner personality, but this was not the violent inner that Ino had meet.

"Sakura, you have…"

Sakura reached out, "Unlike men, women have an infinite supply of orgasms. It would be sacrilege for us to not take advantage of it. Come and join my religion."

Ino gulped as Sakura dragged her to the store to get some man hunting gear.

She was starting to get afraid…very afraid of the new Sakura.

_**Alleyway**_

San looked at the pink hair girl. Exotic hair, especially when the rugs matched the drapes commanded a premium.

Sure San got his money from the client, but that pink haired girl stole the tip money that San's whore would have given to San the Pimp Master.

San looked and calculated the premiums. The girls were attractive, in excellent shape, and knew just how to dress to attract a john. They were not currently wearing ninja headbands which made them fair game. A couple weeks of rape and drugs and they would be selling their slutty bodies for his profit.

The blonde could wait. They were rarer, but not unknown. Between the Senju and the Yamanaka's, there was enough bond DNA in the Konoha gene pool to have a respectable number of blonds without an official clan affiliation. However, there was only a limited number of red heads and far fewer pink haired ladies.

San calculated the odds, but in the end greed outweighed the risks. He had to get that pink haired slut for his stable.

San knew better than to attempt to follow a girl in a town populated by ninjas. Instead, he would find out where she worked and attempt to arrange an old fashion kidnapping and breaking session.

_**Training Ground Nine**_

Gai looked on as his protégé, Rock Lee, ran a thousand laps on his hands while juggling boulders with his feet.

"If I can't do it, I will…"

Gai welled up in tears. His youthful protégé was obviously exhausted, but still kept pushing himself.

"No my loyal student. It's my fault. I pushed you when you needed to rest. I cannot let illness dampen your youth. If I cannot carry you to the hospital in two minutes, I will…"

"No," interrupted Lee, "It is my fault, Gai-sensei. I have spent my youth last night doing youthful exercise with a girl instead of resting."

Gai stood proud. Rock Lee had finally proven that green is the most youthful of colors and share youth with a willing lady. He proved that even women loved youth. It was now time for Gai to give Rock Lee the talk as he ran to the hospital.

Neji and Tenten shuddered. If Rock Lee somehow managed to reproduce before they did…Worse, who wanted to risk repopulating the world with that genjetsu. Neji and Tenten has a standing A class mission to minimize the number of sunset no jutsu, or at least the ones seen by the general public. If Rock Lee had a sunset no jutsu casting child…there was no way they could handle three. One was bad enough. Two was driving them to contemplate dropping the ninja lifestyle, smoke the leaves, eat the purple veined shrooms, worship the log, and join a hippie commune. Three…there was only one cure. Ensure that the youthful brat had an eternal rival. Since Kakashi was still mooning over the dissappearance of his girlfriend and former teammate, Rin, decades ago, that left only one source for an eternal rival. It would be cruel to the kid, but Konoha could not risk the spread of the cult of youth. Neji and Tenten had to sacrifice a child of their own to control the potential insanity. The curse seal or stuffing a tailed beast into your child was an act of kindness compared to what the pair had to do.

"I heard that doing it on the Desk is a good way to get a girl _preggers_."

Neji looked at Tenten and nodded. They were going to use that desk today.

To the hell with the elders of the Hyūga clan. If it was not for Neji and Tenten's sacrifice, an entire generation of Hyūga children would be blinded by that…

Neji and Tenten looked at one another and vow to make Tsunade upgrade this mission to SS class.


	6. The Hunt Begins

**Mistake at the Rendezvous**

**The Hunt**

**By Pat Squared**

Contrary to what some may believe, the typical ninja does not have a relatively short life expectancy. In fact, if one survives the first five years of his or her career, odds were that they would live a decade or two longer than their civilian counterparts.

However, ninjas typically have a short field life. Most ninjas serve only 7 to 10 years in the field and then are rotated out to less physically strenuous duties such as gate guard, local patrols, teaching at the academy, or serve as one of the many pencil pushers that are needed to ensure that those in the field have the intelligence, financing, and supplies necessary to do their jobs. Their skills as administrators and knowledge of village secrets will often make placing them back in the field an undesirable option for situation less than outright war.

With the exception of their headbands, the regulation kunai poach with two kunai and half a dozen ninja stars, an emergency grab bag stashed inside the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet, photos of their former genin team mates posted on their cubicle wall next to the family photos, and maybe a ninjato hanging on a nearby coat hook, most office ninjas are indistinguishable from their civilian civil service counterparts working for the dynamo.

Everyone sat in the same uncomfortable wooden swivel chairs, stuck in the same grey cubicles, drink the same undrinkable coffee, bang their heads in frustration against the same metal desks, and wished for the clock to hurry up so they could be anyplace else but at the office. Desks were covered with paperwork, the inboxes overflowing with reports due yesterday, typerwritters clacking insistently, and the bosses called for more status reports until morale improves.

The only overt visible sign that one could see in a ninja office, was the armed guards standing watch over the coffee pot. More than one hidden village had their ranks of experience paper pushers decimated by poisoned coffee. Therefore the coffee pot so that was the one thing more heavily guarded than the kage's secret scrolls and black ops records.

Sasuke looked out of the cubicle he was assigned to this day. As part of his punishment, he had to serve 10 days a month as an unpaid, glorified clerk when he was not being used as a living training dummy. The filing system was a nightmare, the legacy of the old prune that once used her cane on the hides of the first and second hokage and was still too vicious to die despite the daily prayers from the clerical staff and three attempted exorcisms by the _rōsōryo_ (head ninja monk) of the village's ninja temple.

March was a slow time for human resources. Wage reporting forms, prepared in triplicate, have already been forwarded to individual ninjas as well as the Konohagakure Internal Revenue Service. Tax returns were not due until April 15. The next academy class will not graduate until the end of May. Therefore now was the time for the internal auditors to perform an operational and compliance audit of human resources.

Normally Sasuke would be cursing his fate. There were three things that ninja fear: (1) Waking up as the guest of honor in a torture chamber; (2) The accounting ninjas that worked at the Internal Revenue Service; and (3) Being force to work with the internal audit ninjas. All they had to do was walk in, pull out their badges, and start ripping apart everything.

The typical auditor was in his or her late 30's or early 40's, high chunin or jonin, had a couple decades of experience hiding the bodies. In theory, they sounded like the buddies you hope to have when you are tasked with the S-class mission of assaulting an enemy compound wearing a cape and your underwear outside your pants. However, now imagine then being paid on commission based upon the frauds, mismanagement, and inefficiencies they manage to find in your operation. Naruto would have a higher chance of being named in the top 100 fashion designers of all time than there was of hiding any speck of irregularity from the auditors.

On Sasuke's desk were old academy reports on students for the past three decades. He had to generate a chart showing outcomes. How many attended? How many failed and why? How many dropped out? How many failed the true genin exam? So on and so forth.

However, Sasuke was looking for one more thing. He was hunting for _her_. If they told him as a youth that one day he would seek true love in the form of a prostitute, he would 'hn' while trying to get away from the nut. However, now he was going through the stacks looking for the whore who took his heart along with her fee.

There were 150 females who attended the academy during the four years that he attended the academy. Of that, only 50 females graduated. Of those, only 18 made it through the exam. Six were dead. Two were currently out on maternity leave. Two were out on long-term missions. The rest have positions in the bureaucracy or hospital. It was unlikely that female ninja's moonlighted as prostitutes save for those preparing for or performing seduction mission and those were a lot rarer than most would think. That left 132 potential candidates.

After eliminate those with visible bloodline traits, Aburame insect holes, or 'pleasingly plump' frames, Sasuke was left with 45 candidates. A handful left the village. Others simply worked in local industry. However, none of them match the description.

_Ami, Fuki, Kasumi, Futaba, Hibari, Kaede, Matsuri, Moegi…Definiately not her, how did that file get mixed up with the dropouts…Ai, Akemi, Mai, Mi_,…A sea of names and folders folded his desk.

Sasuke wanted nothing more than to slam all these files into the nearest burn bag, but instead he focused his eyes. If he did not run to that perverted snake all those years ago, he would have access to counterintelligence files and…right not be doing the nasty with his girl.

He took a deep breath and imagined the joys of going to visit the proctologist and gay sex in an effect to not have his little Uchiha stand at attention. He tossed in canine on human sex, poop flinging, and a host of other things he ever had the misfortune to see or even hear about in a vain effort to control his erection.

_Crap…stand down_.

However, the thought of what happened that night.

_The floor, the shower, the couch, the wall, the bed_…_it was so worth the candle up the ass_. _I will find her…I will do it until her frigging water breaks and the first of many future Uchiha clan members pops out into the world_…

That was it. He could not take it anymore. Sasuke closed the file, made his final notations, politely nodded to his coworker, aka minder, and informed her that he would be stepping out for lunch.

He spent lunch getting his ashes haul in an ineffective attempt to forget her.

* * *

**Haruno Residence**

Mebuki Haruno simply knew things.

It was not the result of listening to gossip nor having an intelligence service. No, it was a gift from her prior life as a miko, or shrine maiden.

There were two types of _miko_.

The first were the pretty girls that cleaned the temples, smiled, sold souvenirs, and coyly encouraged men to donate a couple extra ryo by flattery. The first geisha modeled themselves after this type of shrine maiden. However Mebuki was definitely not one of these airheaded maidens.

It was not that she was entirely unattractive. As a shrine maiden, men have tried to get into her hakama. However, she did not exemplify _yamato nadeshiko_, the classic form of ideal beauty and character that marked the miko of the first type. However, there was another type – The type that could be a man's worst nightmares – The miko with real powers.

Mebuki was the most powerful miko of her generation. The last miko with her talent was her great-grandmother.

Despite not being an official miko since her pregnancy with her daughter, Sakura, Mebuki had not lost her gifts.

She could read fortunes.

She has invoked the spirits of the dead to help them move to the next life.

She has summoned and banished yōkai (Supernatural monsters) and ghosts.

She has remove curses.

Her neighbors still came to her to get their fortunes told or have her help them select auspicious names for their children and grandchildren.

Even the local monks would refer cases they could not handle or handle effectively to her.

However, despite her talents, Mebuki Haruno had her faults.

Like her daughter, Mebuki had a temper, tended to be stubborn, and had to fight the overwhelming urge to Haruno-smack some idiot.

Today, the idiot was her daughter, Sakura. She knew that Sakura talents could easily exceed hers. However, Sakura was wasting her life acting like a Budhist nun who swore not only a vow of chastity, but also not having any thought of sex. It was Mebuki's last chance to save Sakura from wasting her life.

Mebuki knew she screwed up. The talk she gave Sakura as a child obviously traumatized her daughter into a spinster. The talk was only supposed to scare Sakura to hold off sex long enough to finish her education and training before getting pregnant. Now, Mebuki was cursing the hellfire and brimstone talk she gave Sakura. The Haruno matriarch wanted some grandkids to spoil and maybe even a future miko to train one day. With Sakura still a virgin, grandkids were not simply going to happen.

Mebuki was on a mission. If she was a teenager, she would yell and drive her target into compliance. However, age and experience as a former miko and currently psychological therapist has given her an even deadlier arsenal of tools.

"Mom, do I really have to do this?" asked her daughter.

Mebuki laughed, "I remembered when you couldn't wait to get your fortunes told. Besides, just because you are a ninja, does not mean that you should not develop your other talents, dear. Medicine is not just fixing the body, but also the mind and spirits. Besides you are my only child and it is time for me to teach you some family tricks."

"But mom…," Sakura complained.

"But mom, nothing. You may not have chosen to follow in my footsteps as a miko and were called to a different life. You have the talents, but not the calling. However, one day you may have a daughter who has the calling and I may not be around to show her my skills or control her talents. Besides, my tricks may even help you. You know how to strength the bodies of the ill, but sometimes despite all your skill and strength, they may not have the heart to fight onto recovery."

Sakura was silent. Every healer had cases where the patient should be better, but the patient died because they did not want to live on. She knew that her mom was skilled in getting others to form the will to live despite tragedy. The few times Sakura had her mother talk to depressed, terminally ill patients, their attitudes turned around and they developed the spiritual strength to fight on.

"Okay. What do I do?" replied Sakura.

"First, it's _o-mikuji _(fortune telling). You remember when I took you to temple and you could not wait to select your fortune from the stack of fortunes. Well that is simplified method that those who do not share our talent can use with some degree of reliability, about three in four. There is a better method that gives you a nineteen of twenty success rate. However, it is dangerous to anyone but you or your future female descendants. For us, it is a hazardous as a trip to clothing store during the clearance sale. We might be a little bumped and bruise, but we get that perfect dress almost every time…Even if I have to trick Noriko Yamanaka by telling her that some little evil garden gnome is living under her flower eating her flowers right that very moment. For anyone else, it could release a mischievous yōkai."

Mebuki pulled out a doll.

"Mom, it's Jin Kei-chan. You kept her. I thought I lost her."

Mebuki handed over the antique doll to her daughter.

"Jin Kei-chan has been in our family for generations. My mother, grandmother, and their mothers and grandmothers for countless generations since the landing have trusted Jin Kei to not only provide our daughters protection, but also help us see the likely outcomes. Let me show you."

After deliberately showing Sakura the hand movements and the chants, she kissed her daughter on the check.

"This rite is generally supposed to be performed alone. If you wish you bring in another person, you have to be appropriately intimate with them before doing the ritual. Mother and daughter can hug or kiss for one is of the other's body. Likewise for sisters for once they were in the body of the same mother or the seed of the same father. However, for friends or lovers, you must be intimate. You must be willing share both your bodies and your most personal secret.

"Second, you need two focuses. The first is the doll. I will later show you the secrets of the doll, but the doll must be special. You cannot just buy or make any doll. The second focus is yourself or your partner. The doll is the medium that shares the information of the past, present, and future. The second focus is so you do not lose yourself. This is your first time, so I will act as your focus. If you start drifting off, I will do what I can to pull you back. It is nothing you can't handle, but the method I may use may shock you. If you find yourself drifting, remember me, I will be your anchor and will never let you go adrift."

Mebuki smiled, reached out, and tickled her daughter's nose.

"Don't worry. Mom's here. Besides it is safer if you have a partner for the first couple trips."

Mebuki got serious.

"Third, strip. Experienced fortune tellers can do this in a _junihitoe_ (12 layer formal court kimono) and under a dozen blankets. However, until you master this, it works better naked or nearly so. If we were in the countryside, we would do this naked under the light of a full moon, in a purified ritual circle. But since you have a strong talent for this, I believe that you do not need the baby steps. That is one of the reasons we never allowed allow anyone to see how we generate fortunes. Now follow me."

**_One Hour Later_**

Things officially went from strange to far beyond where the legendary rabbit hole went. Seeing a doll move on its own and writing down fortunes was a little creepy. Perverted spirit guides that had a tentacle sex fixation were weird. Waking up to find yourself French kissing mother and knowing that some perverted part of you initiated it while the rest of your mind was in trance land was something that she wished that she could bleach from her mind. Seeing two glowing lights in her spiritual uterus…

Sakura looked at the scroll in front of her as her mother hugged her.

Sakura confessed. Instead of being dissappointed, mother was happy and offering to help organize the baby shower.

Sakura was shocked.

It was not every day that a girl found herself pregnant…with twin daughters.

She wanted to deny it. She wanted to disbelieve the oracle doll's writings. However, a pregnancy detection jutsu confirmed it. She was not due to start her period for three more days and now she knew that she would not have another until her daughters were born sometime next January.

She did not know what to do. She could not even identify which one of the dozen men she slept with was the father. She wanted to yell, scream, beat up the son of bitch that knock her up, the kunoichi who taught her an obviously infective anti-pregnancy jutsu, and even her mother for teaching her the miko oracle doll technique that shattered her worldview.

How was she going to hid this? Sakura Haruno knocked up. Gods above, the old ladies at the hospital were going to have a field day gossiping about that slutty Haruno. Even among ninjas, there was a stigma against _unauthorized_ pregnancies.

She had to do something and do it now. Her window of oppertunity to save her daughters from being officially the result of an unauthoized prenancy was slim. She had to find a husband or go on a long-term infiltration mission right now.

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	7. Bringing Ino into the Fold

**Mistake at the Rendezvous**

**Bringing Ino into the Fold**

**By Pat Squared**

* * *

If someone walked up to Sakura two months ago and told her that she would be conducting genetic testing on twenty different potential fathers for her babies, she would think that they were nuts and give them the patented smack down that made her the most second feared nightmare of perverts worldwide.

However, so far the only good news that she had so far today is that Rock Lee is definitely not the father of her twins. She had run twenty tests and they all came back negative. Sure, she banged more men in a month than many adult movie starlets, but not so many that she could not remember their names. There was only one more person to test, but it would be futile.

The ANBU who trained girls for honey-pot operations was fixed. There was no way that he could be the father of her children. Fixed meant fixed and if he was not fixed, then he would have impregnated a dozen girls long before he…

She searched her memories. She was never fall down drunk, had no blackouts, or even missing time signifying that she was under some genjutsu. He had to be the one. Sometimes fixes are not permanent, tubes heal. If so, it was her bad luck to be the lucky winner of unprotected sex roulette.

Sakura had to find out and there was no way that she could pull ANBU genetic profiles without raising flags. Even she would have to have Tsunade and the ANBU commander sign off on so many authorizations. She would have to contact Ino.

* * *

Sasuke cursed fate.

He had gone through every academy record. Unless the mysterious girl of his dreams was from his parent's generation under a hell of a genjutsu, there were no more candidates. He checked each and every potential candidates and learned that he did not cast his net wide enough. Walking pass a construction site, he saw roofers walking up and down the side of an apartment complex under construction. He introduced himself to the builders and found out that just about every profession in Konoha used either ninjutsu or genjutsu. Carpenters and painters routinely use wall-walking. Plumbers use water-walking. Even street-walkers and geisha use minor genjutsu to hide blemishes. These were taught as part of apprenticeships.

Sasuke groaned in mental pain. The only hope he had was to literally walk into her. Genjutsu could do a lot, but it could not change the height, weight, or shape of one's body if physical contact was made. Naruto's physical transformation technique was classified, known to only a handful of ninja, and took too much chakra for any non-ninja to initiate. Even Sasuke, who had a respectable chakra pool, grunted when he used that technique. His only hope was to bang his way among the girls until he banged her again.

* * *

Ino woke up from her nightmare.

It was a great day. The advance came through and her cut of the money was enough to pay for a grand wedding and the honeymoon of her dreams. The books were racy enough to turn any nun into a pervert, nay a super-pervert. And the publisher told her that they were offering a million-ryo advance on the next book.

It was great until Sakura ran up to her, dragged her into her office, locked the door, and ripped off her shirt.

"Look what you did to me!" screamed the magenta-hair banshee. "You fucked me and got me knocked up."

Ino was stunned. One, she got over her bi-coureous phase long ago, because there was no way that she could convince Sakura to experiment. Two, Ino did not have the equipment to knock up Sakura even if they had sex.

Sakura grabbed Ino's hands and held it to her public mound.

"Do it, tell me that I am not pregnant."

Ino's medical specialty was in mental health, but she did enough time in other medical fields to know the pregnancy detection jutsu. She cast it and…

_Sakura is…pregnant!_

Ino stopped breathing, turned blue, and fell.

A minute later, Ino woke up as Sakura was half strangling her and half attempting to rip her head off her body via whiplash.

"Tell me Ino, who is the father? Tell me who is the bastard you conned to knock me up. I tested everyone but that son of a bitch you set me up with. He was supposed to be fixed. He was supposed to make me a woman, not a mother. By the spirits of our ancestors, even my mother knows that I am now a pregnant slut! Do you know how it feels to have your mother pull your fortune and tell you that you are having twins?"

Sasuke suddenly stopped trying to kill Ino via shock and whiplash. The pink haired girl collapsed and turned into a crying, little girl.

It took Ino five minutes before she could comprehend Sakura's statements let alone speak.

"Do you need me to double check the tests? Tell me the names and I can…

Sakura opened up her beat up messenger bag and pulled out twenty files and her diary. Ino read the entries saw the names.

_Crap, if this gets out, I am going to lose a whole bunch of money!_

_Rock Lee and Choji having sex before marriage or age 30. Kakashi, a two-some with the eternal chunin Izumo and Kotetsu. Mozuku the torturer and now the master of stimulating a girl's love button. Gross, now I know too much about my dad's coworkers in Torture and Interrogation. And worse, even cousin Takayuki. A girl does not want or need to know that her favorite babysitter as a kid lived up to his name by moving his partner to new heights. Thankfully the names of father and my uncles are not on the list._

Ino matched the files to the base profile and none of them matched. It could not be. She had verified herself that Sakura's first lover was fixed. She had personally ran the sperm count and STD test herself. No wigglers and no diseases.

Ino reached into her desk pulled out a photograph that she was not suppose to have.

"Is this…"

"Who the fuck is he?" Sakura snapped.

Ino's mind raced. If Sakura did not sleep with the ANBU, then the father of her baby could be anybody.

"That was the man who was supposed to be your first. If it is not him, then your baby daddy could be anybody."

The scream was loud. The crash was brutal. Ino had watched her best friend go through a lot, but this day set a new record.

"Let us find the son of a bitch and castrate him slowly, very slowly via ripping off his balls via his piss-hole and covering his wang with honey before letting the ants feast."

Ino knew that Sakura's Inner was cowering in fear. This level of violence was pure Sakura. Ino almost felt sorry for Sakura's baby daddy.

* * *

Sasuke sneezed as a shiver ran down his spine. He was worried in a way that he had not been worried since the day he became an orphan. Someone was really upset with him and he started looking for hole to hide in until that someone got pissed at someone else.

* * *

Sakura had gone through denial and anger. Now she was at the bargaining stage of dealing with the loss of her future. She could not get an abortion. If she did, not only would mother know, but she would never be able to live with herself. However, she could not bring herself to force her daughters to live with the stigma of being an unapproved child.

She had to get married or convince the world that her children were mission babies. While not as good as being the product of a sanctioned marriage, mission babies were not looked down upon to the same level as an oophs baby. Mission babies were wanted due to bloodline potential.

If she was out of the village long enough, she could teach her daughters enough to fake a bloodline. To do that, she needed a long-term infiltration mission, perhaps six to ten years. Since Ino got her into this mess, Ino was going to help her get out of it. If everyone believes that her children carry some rare bloodline, her children would go from being the result of bad luck at sperm roulette to being the most desirable children attending the academy.

Sakura still remembered her days at the academy and knew that the clan and bloodline kids got away with anything short of murder. With the exception of her, the other civilian kids were deliberately placed on teams destined to fail the true genin exam. If Ino did not help her all those years ago, she would be placed on one of the failing teams and became another failure like Ami, Fuki, Hibachi, Kasumi, and Kota. They were better than her at the practical stuff. If she was not placed on the same team as Naruto and Sasuke...

She was not going to let her daughters risk having their dreams crushed by being grouped among the failure teams.

Sakura was going to be a mother and like any good mother, she was going to do what she could to ensure that her children would have a better chance than she ever had. Even if it meant breaking every rule in the book. Only if Naruto could see how he rubbed off on her now.

* * *

Mebuki Haruno laughed as she casted Sakura's fortune. The little girl she gave birth to two decades ago could never leave enough alone. Sakura was the type to always double-down, even when it would hurt a lot less to fold. From the fortune, Sakura was going to come back with a lot more to explain than having twins.


End file.
